Level: Pure Exhaustion

Imagine spending an hour rocking, singing, feeding, and cuddling your baby to help them fall asleep and when you finally get to relax and hopefully sleep yourself you get to do it all over again...with baby number two.

Now, throw 2 days of non stop appointments, a baby who wakes up 6 times each night, doesn't nap, and you will be the most tired person on this planet.

This was me this last weekend, I hit a level of exhaustion I've never experienced before. I cried because I was so tired, because if I had to get up one more time that night I wasn't going to wake up on time the next morning.  I cried because Daniel doesn't get up with the twins at night. I cried because I was so tired I couldn't sleep.

Then I cried because in my mind I could picture Hannah's adorable head shake and Hudson's one toothed smile, and I was happy. I'm happy because I get to be their mom. I'm happy because they are healthy, they are happy, and they love me.

BUT

Twins are HARD.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done, and I've been through a lot. A lot.
The twins are nearly 9 months old and they're getting easier and harder at the same time.

Easier because I can leave them in a room with toys and they'll play by themselves for a while.
Easier because they can hold their own bottles and feed themselves simple foods.
Easier because they smile at me every single morning.

Harder because they're teething and just want to be held.
Harder because they're starting to become mobile and are getting into more and more nonsense.
Harder because they don't like each other right now - they don't like to be touched by their sibling.

Hudson is a needy, needy baby. He isn't handling teething well and just wants his mom to hold him, not dad, just mom.  Thankfully one tooth popped through, we're just waiting for the second one to push through. Hudson started getting up on his hands and knees, I know he'll be crawling soon. Hudson is super grabby, if he sees something he wants, he'll figure out how to get it (even if it is moms dinner). Hudson is a total ham, he has the cutest little smile that will melt your heart. He "talks" a lot and I love it.

Hannah is an independent babe, but she only wants to stand up so she's constantly climbing all over me. She's also decided she hates wearing a diaper and clothes and its SO hard to get her changed and dressed once she's naked. She's so close to crawling, she does this weird scoot thing but I know she'll be walking as soon as she figures out how to crawl. She also likes to eat paper, if she sees anything paper related she will eat it. Bleh. Bath time is her favorite, she's my little fish and would stay in the bath all day if I let her.

This mama doesn't get ready 90% of the time, If I have make up and real clothes on (aka not sweats) it means I'm meeting a client that day.  (Thankfully my client interactions are becoming more and more common so its forcing me to get ready earlier than 5 PM and almost every day).


I rarely drink hot coffee, if it is hot its been microwaved once or twice.
I don't eat often, I just get too busy and tend to forget.
My house will be totally spotless one day, and by the end of the week it looks like a tornado hit it.
I get mad at my husband for not helping me as much as I want him to.
My meetings and appointments are saving my sanity.


No matter how hard they get, or how tired I am, I am truly grateful that I get to be their mom, why they chose me? Who knows. I'm a bit crazy.


To end, here's some cute pics my sister took for me:

Month 3.

Its been a while since I've posted, but honestly finding time to sit and write a blog post, let alone sit and do anything has been damn near impossible.

Lets just cut to the chase...twins are REALLY hard.

I had quite a few twin parents tell me that twins are really hard, but nothing could have prepared us for the madness that is twins. Seriously you guys, its so hard. I don't know how people handle more than 2 babies, 1 is a cake walk compared to this and any more I'd be running out the door.

I complained about my pregnancy and how crappy/hard it was, but sitting here with two screaming babies makes me wish they were still in my belly. I don't know how I'm surviving this, I don't know how anyone does this. It really feels impossible sometimes.

Today was a rough day, the twins did not nap for longer than 10 minutes at a time, and they did this maybe 3 times today. I am tired, stressed, sad, and frustrated.  I feel like I'm failing as a mom because my babies cry for longer than they probably should before I can get to them, they don't get their diapers changed as soon as they poop, nor do they get new clothes every time they spit up all over themselves.  I can't hold them both at the same time very easily, so I feel like one is being neglected when the other is being tended to.  

I'm losing my mind.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my babies, they are the best thing thats happened to me, but right now they are also the worst. They're at a stage where they want to play but aren't able to play with toys or with each other, so its just me and Daniel trying to keep them entertained and even then they only last so long before they're bored.   They just need to get a little bit bigger so they can entertain themselves (and I really mean just a LITTLE bit bigger).

Daniel helps most of the time, but he also works graveyards and so its all me, by myself EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT (well 5/7 nights per week).  This is probably the hardest time.  I'm already tired and worn out from a long days work, I generally don't get a nap when I come home, I sometimes  don't even shower and then when I do try and sleep I end up waking up every 3-4 hours to tend to them.  Thankfully though they are starting to sleep for longer stretches of time (sometimes up to 6 hours), and Daniel is switching to a better shift next week. But seriously, the last 2 months have been HARD!

The things that make this all worth it are the smiles they give when they see me in the morning, when they curl up in little balls next to me and sleep, or when I just look at how gorgeous they are and am proud that I made them.

Being a mom is hard, there is literally not one easy thing about it, but its worth it.

Now enjoy some pictures of these little babies that have stolen my heart (and my hair):

NICU Week 1

  As I sit here pumping for the 100th time today, I figured I may as well update you all on the first week of my twins life, or more so- the first week in the NICU. *Warning, this is a looooong post*

 I honestly don't even know where to start with this, my timelines might be a bit off but the last week and a half has been so crazy it's hard to keep track of what happened when, I will try my best.   But I guess i'll start with a brief overview of the people we've worked with in the NICU.

The nurses (RN)- each baby had a nurse, they do most of the work really. They feed, change bums, set up their beds, give baths, etc.   They are basically the guardians of our babies.  We have however learned that we unfortunately do not like all of the nurses there, some of them are beyond amazing and some do a really good job of making us feel like we shouldn't be there. I guess we can't like everyone right?

Respiratory Therapists (RT)- These are the guys (and gals) that do everything involved with breathing, hence the name.  The therapists are AMAZING and have been some of our favorite people to work with. We have worked with 3 primarily; Ron, Cathy & Lynn.  Seriously, all such awesome people!

Nurse Practitioner (LPN)/Doctors- they evaluate the babies situation and make the calls as to what they believe should be done. The practitioners and doctors in the NICU are also so amazing, I have been totally comfortable with every decision that has been made so far and am so grateful to have such an amazing team caring for my children.


When the babies first arrived in the NICU, they got hooked up to monitors, got IV's, feeding tubes, and were immediately placed on oxygen. I'm sure there was more done, but thats basically what I saw when I went to the NICU for the first time (about an hour or so after their birth). Now, for the twins...


Hudson Mack

Day 1 (Monday):

 Hudson was born first, and has this kid had a rough start to life.  I feel so bad for the little guy. When he was born he came out screaming which made me really happy- it meant a good set of lungs, right?   Not quite.   Hudson was having a hard time breathing right after birth so the NICU peeps put him onto a CPAP machine to help get him going. Unfortunately the CPAP wasn't doing what they were wanting to do so Ron (the respiratory therapist) gave Hudson some medicine called surfactant to help keep his lungs from sticking together.  We gave it some time to work, but unfortunately it wasn't doing what we were hoping it would do and we could tell Hudson was struggling to breathe (he was bright red), so we moved to the next step- a ventilator.

 The ventilator was weird, its a big machine that pushes air into the lungs to help keep them open. It submits little tiny 'breaths' so it looked like Hudson's chest was vibrating. To get his lungs to stay open they had to put a tube down his throat and into his lungs. Poor little guy.   This was basically it for the first night, it was just a waiting game to see if he would pick up on his breathing now that his lungs were able to stay open and not close and stick together.

 The LPN was also having a hard time getting Hudsons PIC line in.  The PIC line is a little tube that they put in near your heart, its basically just an IV that they use for nutrients and medicines.  They had tried to put his line in through his arm but every time they did it would curl under his armpit (we could see this via ultrasound), and they had no luck.  They tried to put it through his foot as well but ended up putting it in through his head. It's ugly looking but they did what they could.

PIC line (and look at his hair!)

Day 2:

 Today was a big day for Hudson. The ventilator was still going to keep his lungs open, but Hudson wasn't breathing on his own. An X-Ray had been done earlier in the day and it was determined that Hudson had a little hole in his lungs and air was escaping and was sitting in his chest (just outside of his rib cage).  Dr Minton was the doctor in charge of the twins that night, on top of the X-ray he used a little flashlight type light to look at Hudson's chest, when the light was on it you could actually see where the air in his chest was. It was kind of cool to see, but terrifying that I was seeing this on my baby.  Dr Minton explained that he wanted to put a needle/catheter type thing into Hudsons chest to extract the air, he also explained that if this did not work then he would need to put a tube into his chest to help the air escape.   So we tried the air extraction first and checked back a few hours later to see if it had worked or if the air had returned, it was back.   We moved onto the chest tube. Hudson was thankfully sedated before they did this procedure and remained under sedation to give his lung time to heal.

Ventilator, and chest tube on the pictures right side

Day 3:

 Hudson was still under sedation, he wasn't moving nor was he breathing on his own. I immediately broke down and started crying when I saw him, if it weren't for his heartbeat monitor I would've assumed he was gone. Seriously, it was the hardest thing seeing my baby like that.  But anyway, still heavily sedated, the ventilator was still running and keeping his lungs open.  They kept him sedated because the chest tube was still in and it not only looked extremely painful, they didn't want him to breathe on his own and cause it to hurt even more. This allowed his body time to heal his hurt lung. They did another X-ray and flashlight test (I'm just calling it that) on his lungs/chest and determined that the air was gone and his little lungs had healed. Yay!!  The chest tube was finally taken out and it was time to let the little man wake up.

Day 4:

 Hudson was finally out of his sedated state, his poor body was so swollen from all the fluid build ups and he was so so sleepy, but he was moving again and that made this momma happy.  He was still on the ventilator and started to finally breathe a bit on his own! They also started Hudson's feedings through his feeding tube. All in all it was a pretty uneventful but great day for this little man!

Day 5:

 Today was another big day for our little man! Cathy the RT had been on the last couple of nights and she was watching Hudson closely. Because he was breathing on his own a lot better than before she chose to switch him from the Ventilator that made him vibrate to one that breathed normally, so his lungs would actually inflate and deflate as opposed to just staying open and pumping little tiny pumps (thus the 'vibration').  This ventilator still required the tube down his throat and into his lungs but once they moved him over you could tell his breathing got better and he was already breathing on top of the machine.

  Later in the day she opted to move from the ventilator to a NIT-V (sp?) which looked a lot like a Cannula (oxygen tube in your nose) but instead of just supplying an oxygen stream into his nose it also submits little pressure puffs every so often. I wish I could tell you why, but I really can't.  Anyway, so in order for Hudson to move from the ventilator to the NIT-V they had to remove his throat tube.  They already had the air into his nose so they could immediately switch between the oxygen supplies and when they pulled out the tube in his throat he stopped breathing for a second. I watched the monitors drop and I almost freaked out.   Turns out he had a big glob of mucus in the back of his mouth so when they pulled the tube he couldn't breathe because of that, the LPN Jenny immediately suctioned it out and Hudson started breathing again, phew!

All of the ruckus caused Hudson to finally wake up and show me his cute little eyes! The night before Daniel had been waiting for Hudson to wake up, but he never really did and I got to see Hudson open his eyes before Daniel did. Ha!

He opened his eyes!

 Today was also the first day I got to hold Hudson, the ventilator he was on would not allow for us to hold him, but since he got moved to the NIT-V I finally was able to, except Daniel actually held him before me.  Oh well, I guess Dads get turns too.


 Hudson was also placed under bili-lights to help with his jaundice. Because he hadn't had a bowel movement yet and really hadn't been peeing due to being sedated his bilirubin wasn't leaving his body and his levels were rising.  The bili-lights help break down the bilirubin in his system so he can dispose of it through bowel movements or by peeing.  The lights don't scare me but it limited my holding time because of it. Boo!


Day 6:

 The RT's were also saying that Hudson might be able to move from his NIT-V for breathing to a high flow oxygen device within the next couple of day.  It ended up happening tonight when we were home, but instead of high flow he got moved to a regular cannula. A cannula is those clear little oxygen tubes that you see in peoples noses when they are in the hospital, they are pretty common.   But this was awesome news, it meant he was breathing well enough that he didn't really need support for his breathing, it was there more of a just in case and a help with the transition from the NIT-V to room air.

 Hudson's bilirubin levels don't change much, so on top of the bili-light they also put a bili-blanket underneath him, just to help break down the bilirubin a bit quicker.

Bili-lights & blanket

Day 7 (Sunday):

 Hudson is still on the cannula, but Ron (the RT) explained to me that with how little oxygen was being pushed to him it was basically as if he were breathing room air, however when Hudson gets mad his oxygen supply and breathing would go down so they were keeping him on the cannula until he stopped doing that.  Basically he would get so mad and cry so hard that he would stop breathing for a second, little stink.  Ron still thought that we'd be able to have the cannula out soon because he was breathing so well.

 Ron also told me word for word, "Since Hudson is better now, I guess its safe to tell you that he was REALLY sick".   Hard words to hear, but also amazing in the fact that my little guy got better in just a week! We determined that Hudson had caught the cold I had the week before I delivered, and I felt so bad...I didn't know he could get sick if I was, and its hard for me not to blame myself for him being so sick and coming so early, but the nurses tell me that I shouldn't think that way, it was not my fault.


Day 8-10:

 The twins were moved to Nursery B Monday morning, which means Hudson is not sick anymore! Hudson is also off all oxygen and is breathing room air...so in other words, he is breathing on his own! Yay!   He is also off his bili-blanket and lights so we can hold him for longer periods of time and more than just once in a 12 hour period.

 Hudson however is having some tummy problems, we believe its acid reflux or something along those lines.  He tends to throw up quite a bit after his feedings and is really fussy waking up every few minutes to cry, unless of course mom is holding him, then he's totally fine.  So although they think its acid reflux, I think its more of a sign for attention! haha.  We'll figure it out though, I'm just hoping he's not allergic to something I've been eating...heaven forbid he be lactose intolerant, I can't go without my milk!  


 So that's basically it for Hudson, the last week and a half have been long and mentally exhausting trying to keep up with everything that was going on with him, but he is doing awesome! He still has his PIC line in but they're hoping that will come out soon, it should once he reaches full feedings anyway!

My little man!

Hannah Paige

Day 1:

 Hannah's week is far less eventful than Hudson's, which is a good thing! When Hannah was born she was dead quiet, not a peep came out of her...which terrified me! I was so worried she was going to have breathing problems.  She was placed on a CPAP machine the first night she was in the NICU to help her with her breathing, all of her lines were also placed.  We were able to get her PIC line in through her hand, lucky girl.


Day 2:

 Hannah is off the CPAP and is breathing room air, basically my girl is rocking it!  She is a little diva who does not like to be bugged when she is sleeping, I'm going to guess she gets that from me. Crap. Hannah starts on feedings via her feeding tube, just a tiny bit at the beginning but its something!

 I got to hold Hannah for the first time today, and I didn't want to put her down. It was so hard to put her back into her bed, but I was still admitted into the hospital so I was just one floor down from them, so needless to say I held her whenever I could!

First time holding Hannah

Day 3-4:

 Hannah is placed under bili-lights to help breakdown her bilirubin.  Hannah's elevated jaundice levels were caused more by her bruising than anything else.  During her delivery she decided to come out face up, which caused her little eyes to bruise up pretty bad (it looks like she got in a fight), the vacuum was also used to help her out and it caused her head to bruise.   When the bruises heal it increases the bilirubin in her system, so the lights are used to just break that down so she can pee/poop it out.  Gross, I know.


 Hannah is still doing awesome on her room air, she's pretty boring in the NICU handbook.

Day 5-6:

Hannah's feeding are continuing to increase each shift (so twice/day) and this momma is worried she might not be able to keep up my milk supply to feed Hannah, let alone another baby. yikes.   She's still doing awesome though!

On Day 6 (Saturday) Hannah is finally taken off the bili-lights and I am finally able to hold her for longer than 30 minutes twice/day. Yay!    I could hold her for hours (and I do at times), she is so curious, always looking around and trying to find where the sound of my voice is coming from.   Because they are so early, they won't be able to focus on what they see for quite some time. The joys of having preemies.

My heart is melting. 

Day 7-10:

 Hannah's PIC line is finally taken off because my little lady has reached her full feedings, this means that she is even easier to hold since she doesn't have a scary IV sticking out of her.  Also because her PIC line is out she is able to wear onesies! The nurses always have her dressed in a cute little onesie with a bow in her hair (well, stuck to her head).   But she's doing awesome, now we just need to teach her how to eat so we can bring her home!

Skinny Mini

And of course, the proud Dad:

Now as far as me...I've been a bit of a mess the past week, it doesn't get any easier leaving your babies in the hospital every night while you have to go home. There have been nights where I bawled my eyes out driving home.  Its really hard to not be able to be mom like I feel like I should be right now, but I guess I have the rest of their lives to be mom and now its their time to finish growing so I can bring them home!

I also keep having people ask what they can do for me and I honestly don't know. So if I've told you nothing, its because I really can't think of anything...all I want is my babies home!  Maybe if I'm lucky I'll have them home by my birthday in 2 weeks. Here's to hoping!

The Twins Arrival

The Birth:


 Sunday March 22 I had noticed my belly looked a little odd, the bottom half was kind of deflated looking but I didn't think much of it, I figured that Hudson had just moved further back and that was why.   So I ignored it.

 I had been fighting a cold the last week, so I was coughing all the time and my nose was completely clogged up. When you're pregnant your bladder basically gives up and every single time I would cough I would pee my pants a bit (I know, gross). Sunday night I had been peeing a bit more than normal, but again didn't think anything of it and went to bed.

 Throughout that night I was having some contraction like pains once in a while, but since everything on my body hurt I again, ignored it and just slept through the weird pains in my lower belly area.

 Monday March 23, the contraction like pains I had been having throughout the night got a little bit stronger and a bit closer together. I had also continued to pee my pants more than normal and honestly just figured my bladder had had enough pressure on it that it was just done.  So I of course figured these contractions out to just be Braxton Hicks, and the liquid was still just pee. However I decided to start tracking them, really just for the hell of it.

 Just after 8 am I started my contraction tracking, I just recorded the time the contraction started and how long it lasted. I would then include how many minutes were between each one.  I tracked for 1 hour and it looked like this:

 8:14 AM - 16 seconds
 8:22 AM-  46 seconds  (8 min apart)
 8:35 AM-  36 seconds  (13 min apart)
 8:40 AM-  40 seconds  (5 min apart)
 8:49 AM-  29 seconds  (9 min apart)
 9:07 AM-  56 seconds  (18 min apart)
 9:15 AM-  56 seconds  (8 min apart)

 Okay, so do you see why I thought they were just Braxton hicks?  They weren't regular by any means  but I remember reading somewhere that if you have more than 5 contractions in a hour to call your Doctor.  So I did.   Of course it was his day off so I wasn't able to speak to him, thats when I decided to go to the hospital, just to get monitored and figure out if these were actual contractions, and if they were see if they could stop them.

 We get to the hospital around 9:45 AM, I get into my super fancy hospital gown and they strap 2 heartbeat monitors and a contraction monitor to my belly, after a little while it was determined that I am in fact having real contractions.  Once I mentioned I thought I had lost my mucous plug that morning they decided to run a couple of tests to see if my water had ruptured.   Sure enough, it had.
I immediately started bawling, and the nurses called my doctor to see what he wanted to do.

 At roughly 1 PM my doctor decided to have an ultrasound done to check the fluids around Baby A (the one with the ruptured water), so they wheeled me down to Maternal-Fetal medicine to get checked out.   While I was having an ultrasound done my contractions started to really kick in.  I would cry through every one of them because they started to hurt so bad.   The Maternal-Fetal specialist confirmed again that Baby A's water had broken and there were 2 options; I either have the babies or we could put me on antibiotics and hospital bed rest to keep me pregnant for another 2 weeks. She however thought that based on the pain level of my contractions and the fact I was already dilated to a 4 that these babies were coming that day.

  Once I got back into my room I was really hurting, my contractions were getting stronger and closer together, and I turned into a baby. I cried and whined through each of them, until they finally got me an epidural.  They also gave me a steroid shot to help mature the babies lungs a little bit more before delivery.  We were hoping it would be in my system for a while to really help them out.

 Then 4:30 PM came and my doctor came back to check to see how far I had dilated. Because my water had ruptured they keep the checking to a bare minimum to avoid risk of infection to the babies. Anyway, so this was my 2nd check and I was dilated to a 10 and Baby A was ready to come out.

 They wheeled me to the OR and after about 10 minutes of pushing Hudson Mack was born at 4:48 PM weighing 4 lb 3 oz and was 17 inches long.  He was perfect, I immediately fell in love with this cute little man sitting on my chest.
 After a whole 5 minute break I got back to pushing, and at 5:04 PM Hannah Paige decided to also join this world weighing 4 lb 3 oz and was 18.5 inches long.  Hannah decided to come out face up so her little eyes got bruised, she also needed vacuum assistance which resulted in a funky circle and another bruise on her head.  I honestly thought she was so ugly when I first saw her. Don't worry, she got cute really fast.

 Right after each baby was born I was only able to see and hold them for a few seconds before they took them into a prep room and then into the NICU. Daniel was able to go with them, but I went back to the delivery room where I had been before.  After about 45 minutes ( I think) I was finally brought to the NICU to see my little babies, they were both on CPAP machines for their breathing and had IV's, tubes, and lines coming out of their little bodies. But I was immediately in love.  These are MY babies and they are perfect.


  So thats it, thats the story of how Hannah & Hudson joined this world at 32+1 weeks gestation. Enjoy the pictures from the past few days, and expect another post from me soon talking about their first week in the NICU.

Last bump pic- Saturday March 21

Hannah in prep room after delivery

Hannah right after delivery

Hannah Paige, 1 day old

Hudson after deliver

Hudson Mack, 1 day old

Well friends, I have reached the 3rd trimester and at this point I can honestly say...I cannot wait to be done!   I've said this before but I'm going to say it again...pregnancy is hard and at this point I have officially turned into a big hormonal pregnant bitch.

I have yelled at Daniel for basically everything, his fault or not. Thankfully I married someone with a really good sense of humor and he laughs off most of what I yell at him for, which can drive me crazy at times, but it keeps us from fighting.

I have decided I really dislike my job for really no specific reason at all other than I hate waking up at 5:45 AM, working an 8 hour shift Monday-Friday and having to do it week after week.

and I REALLY just want a bottle of wine, not a glass...a whole entire bottle. (Don't worry, I'll wait until after I pop these 2 babies out to devour any sort of alcoholic beverage).

On top of the being angry at everything in this world right now, I'm to that point that I also cry about everything.  I bawled at the end of Cool Runnings when they walk their sled to the finish line, I cried when I realized my idea for my nursery won't work because cribs are a lot bigger than I thought.

I have cried thinking about the cost of raising twins.

I have cried several times because this pregnancy is almost over, and because its also taking too long.

I cry because I will probably have a c-section and I don't want one.

I cry from the pain in my back, from the acid reflux that doesn't allow me to sleep, and because I am so beyond terrified to be a mom.


I am probably the worst person to talk to about pregnancy, I will scare you out of ever wanting a child naturally. I will never be pregnant again, I have the hardest time with it. No complications with my pregnancies, just with my mental state of mind.

There are a few positives I will end with;

We have cribs for our nursery, a dresser is coming this next week and decorations to follow!

My baby shower is in a couple of weeks, I am excited to see all my friends and family for that!

I only have 10 weeks (at most) left of this pregnancy!  10 weeks you guys...10 weeks!  Thats crazy!

All of my ultrasounds have turned out great, baby boy is growing at a normal rate, and his sister is just a little bit behind (about a week), but they are both looking so great and that makes their momma (and dad) super happy! Lets just hope these two loves grow lots of hair before they get here!


and lastly, we will be announcing the twins names on my next post (if you haven't already caught my accidental slips here and there), along with a tour of the nursery.  So keep watching for updates :D

1/2 way (& the Anatomy Scan).

As the title reads...I am 1/2 way done with this pregnancy!

No im not 20 weeks, I am 19.  However with the twins I will only carry to at most 38 weeks, so therefore I really am 1/2 way done, or maybe even more- we'll just have to see!

I feel like the last 6 weeks or so have just flown by, prior to that I felt like there was no way i could make it until May and just wanted to time warp and get this over with! Now I don't actually mind being pregnant since my sickness is basically gone and my energy is back, but we shall see what I say about that in 2 months when my belly is in the way of everything!

So lets move onto the Anatomy Scan....

  For those of you not familiar with that term, its basically just the big ultrasound you do at roughly 20 weeks to check everything on the baby, or in my sense- babies.   This helps them determine if there are any abnormalities with any of their organs, limbs, face, etc.  They also take a lot of measurements to make sure baby is up to par.   So here's just kind of a brief of what happened, we're starting with Baby B.


   Baby B (our little girl) is basically perfect in every way!  Her head and abdomen are about the same size, her legs and arms look great and she has all 10 fingers and 10 toes!  Her insides are also looking great, 4 chamber heart, 2 kidneys, bladder, stomach, not too much fluids in her brain, etc.  Her placenta is posterior, which means its on the back of my uterus and she is in front.  She is currently laying transversely across the top of my belly and they estimated she weighs about 10 ounces and is exactly where she should be at this stage!


   Baby A (our little man) is also bascially perfect in everyway! His head is a bit bigger than his sisters, but still right on track,  he also has 10 fingers and 10 toes and his Daddy's nose. (We get 3D ultrasounds each time so we get an idea of what babies actually look like, its really cool).  All of his insides look great as well.  He is estimated to weigh about 9 ounces.
   He however does have one stupid abnormality...with his umbilical cord.  A normal umbilical cord has 1 vein and 2 arteries, he has something called Single Umbilical Artery (SUA), so as the title indicates, he has 1 vein and 1 artery.  Apparently its super super common, and even more so among multiples pregnancies, they dont know why.   Our specialist told us its nothing we should be worried about, but how do I not worry? Seriously. I'm growing the cutest little man in my belly and then they tell me that there's something wrong with his umbilical cord....what the hell? Why is this even a thing?
   Anyway, so I have to have ultrasounds every 4 weeks to not only watch the growth of the babies in general, but to now pay closer attention to our little man. If for some reason he stops growing at the same rate as his sister, or they see anything else wrong they will have to deliver the babies early.  I'm trying to just think positive and not worry because this is so common and so many babies are born without problems, but I'm his Mom and I cant help by have this little worry inside my head.  Blah I just need a nice vacation away from my head, or Orem...that works too! (Someone tell my husband)


  So guys if you caught their weights I have over a pound of baby in me already! Singleton pregnancies dont usually get this way for another month or so! Anyway there's that, now here's some pictures for you to enjoy (and proof that inside my teeny baby bump there are actually 2 babes growing);




Baby Boy's creepy alien face

Baby Boy's arms



Baby Girls profile (kind of, its skewed)



Baby Girls legs & feet

(Early) Second Trimester.

My second trimester has started off, lets say interesting.  There are already pros and cons even though I'm only a month or so in. Seriously, its going to be a long pregnancy. Be forewarned, this post might be just a lot of complaining, I have to vent somewhere.

 I will not even try to sugar coat this; I hate being pregnant.  It is miserable, exhausting, and frustrating. I feel bad saying this because I know there are women who want to be pregnant more than anything (that was me only a few months ago). But honestly, its the worst thing ever and I cannot wait until its over.

 My sickness has definitely decreased, I've traded constant nausea and vomiting for acid reflux but its a lot more manageable, just pass me the TUMS.

 The most exciting thing so far was finding out the genders of "Baby A" and "Baby B" and finally being able to put names to the cute little faces I see on all of my ultrasounds!
In case you were curious, yes we found out the genders really early! Baby A is our little boy, and we knew his gender at 12 weeks (its hard to hide the little boy parts, not to mention he's not shy...at all).
Also at 12 weeks our Maternal-Fetal Specialist thought Baby B was a girl but thanks to the umbilical cord being in the way we couldnt tell quite yet,it actually took a few ultrasounds and at 16 weeks Baby B finally showed us her goods and gave the confirmation we were looking for- "Its a girl!"

 We are both really excited to be welcoming a baby girl and a baby boy into our family, the best of both worlds right?

 My pregnancy brain is kicking in pretty hardcore sometimes, I forget how to do my job sometimes , I forget to bring my puppies inside at night (until they start barking), I'm misplacing things all the time...and the list goes on.
 And the hormones, those have finally decided to arrive and affect my emotions. I cry over nothing, worry that I'm going to be a terrible mom-which makes me cry even more, I've yelled at Daniel over things that I've done wrong (sorry babe), and get annoyed of things way easier than I have in the past.  I'm just an emotional roller coaster over here, and I can't really do much about.

 My heart beats SO hard trying to get blood to my babies, it freaks me out and sometimes I really think I'm going to have a heart attack its beating so hard!

 I'm gaining weight like no one business, averaging a pound a week from week 1, so that'll give you an idea how much I've gained.  My doctor says I'm right on track though, so I guess there's nothing to worry about except maybe the fact that I'm gaining a pound a week and am having anxiety about it! Basically, I'm going to be freaking huge by the end of this.

  With the weight gain, it has to go somewhere and that somewhere is my belly! My belly started poking out a teeny bit around 11 weeks, around 15 weeks it was just a teeny bit bigger...then 16 weeks hit and I have tripled in size since last week. These babies are growing like weeds!  It honestly TERRIFIES me to know I am growing 2 babies, but there's no turning back now- this is happening!

  With the growing belly comes some slight problems. First off my pants (and even some of my leggings) no longer fit and I have officially graduated into maternity pants. Honestly though, they are the most comfortable things ever, I should've started wearing these weeks ago!
The next little problem, is round ligament pain, which is seriously PAINFUL, just think extreme growing pains in the bottom part of your abdomen...its not fun!  I can't do much to make it go away other than sleep it out.

 I feel like I eat a lot, an extra 500 calories/day seems like a lot of food for me at times, especially since my stomach feels tiny and can't hold anything!  I have some minor food cravings;  I notice I crave both spicy foods and really sweet foods (chocolate). This may be due to the fact that I'm growing babies of opposite genders and they both want their momma to eat different things....I'm just going with that story.  The bad thing is everything spicy & chocolate kicks up my acid reflux and makes me feel like garbage. Thanks babies, thanks.


 Overall although I am having a miserable time being pregnant, I could not be more grateful for the opportunity to finally be a mom. For a while there I thought I would never get pregnant and that I was being punished for placing a baby for adoption when I was younger. We are not religious people but I know our families and some friends were praying for us to get pregnant, and who knows; maybe those prayers were what helped?